The Chirpy Files
by Arria Ryu
Summary: Some people have very strange ideas of what constitutes an acceptable pet.


Today was not Vicente Valtieri's day.

He had realized this when he had awoken to Teinavva shaking him babbling something about healing Telaendril. Apparently she, Gogron, and Teinavva had indulged in a couple of friendly drinking games, and she had woken up with a broken arm. He didn't even ask, mostly that was because Gogron was hovering and looking about as sheepish as a 300lb, Orc, Assassin can possibly look. Really they should know better by now. He sighed maybe by lunchtime things will have calmed down…

That had been four hours ago and the day seemed determined to get worse. First Antoinetta started a fire in the kitchen by trying to make a sandwich, Then Lucian had paid him a visit dropping a small mountain of paperwork on his formerly clean desk, before leaving in a whirl of black cloak…knocking Cuddles the Dark Guardian all to pieces in the process. Someone had put catnip in M'raaj Dar's moon sugar causing the Khajiit to start seeing centipedes, it had taken him fifteen minutes to convince his Brother to come out from under his bed and another ten for him to be calm enough to release a thoughly irritated Schemer back into the wild a.k.a. the living quarters. Most of that time had been spent convincing him that the poor rat was not in fact his mother. After locking the crazed feline in a spare storage room where he could work off the effects of the herb in a somewhat out of the way location, Vicente persuaded Antoinetta to coax the aggrieved rodent from his hiding place under Gogron's bed. Convinced that everything was under control for a time he swept Cuddles' remains into a pile for later reconstruction , before retiring to his quarters and his real job.

Vicente had only gotten though about half the pile when his previously minor headache escalated into a full blown migraine. Groaning the vampire leaned back in his chair and placed a cold hand over his eyes. Just as he had begun to doze the doors opened to admit Kisara, the newest recruit to the Brotherhood. He resisted the urge to groan again at the sight of his Sister's armor. Large chunks of leather were torn from the rest, some scraps dangled pitifully, the parts that weren't torn were covered in ash, blood, and what appeared to be clumps of Bloodgrass. Her normally perfectly braided black hair was gray with soot, and he could smell the scent of daedra all over her. This however was not as worrying as the fact that she was smiling albeit rather nervously.

"What in Sithis' name happened to you?" He immediately stood up and helped her into a chair where he began to heal her injuries as she explained that she had gone to Kvatch just as he had asked only to find it in itty bitty bite-sized pieces. She also related to him that he now had the 9 remaining refugees resting in his Sanctuary. Vicente was not a fool, nor was he young enough not to notice how very nervous she was.

"Kisara, what are you not telling me?" He said in a no nonsense voice.

"Well," she shifted uncomfortably in the chair. "I went into the Oblivion Gate only to-"

"YOU WHAT?!" The vampire roared, glaring at her only to have his tirade interrupted by a soft cry. Confused he looked for the source only to be beaten to it by Kisara who opened her pack and withdrew a wriggling bundle of cloth.

"See what you did Vicente you went and woke up the baby." Looking down at the bundle she began to coo to it "Its alright little one, just ignore the grumpy ole vampire, and go back to sleep. Yes that's a good girl…"

Vicente sat in his chair stunned, he knew that the girl was young and had a pension for "adopting" things, but he never thought the little idiot would bring back a baby. This was the Dark Brotherhood, not a nursery.

"Woman," Vicente started in a low voice "Please tell me that you did not bring a baby into the Sanctuary."

Kisara cocked her head quizzically "What is so wrong with it if I did?" He tried to remain calm really he did, but this was too much.

"Kisara, we are assassins. Do you honestly think that a child would be safe here? For that matter do you even know how to take care of a child?"

Kisara gave him the look that he had grown to hate in the short time that he had known her it was a look that made him feel like he was made of glass.

"I don't know too much about it but I will learn, its not like you know how."

Vicente sighed heavily "Kisara before I was turned I had two lovely children. Yes I know how to raise a child."

"Great then you can help me with Chirpy here."

"Chirpy?"

Kisara moved so that he could see the little one's face. Either that was one ugly infant or his sister had brought back…

"A CLANFEAR?!"

Kisara smiled sweetly at the display of enraged vampire that was in front of her, really he was so adorable when he got worked up like this.

"Vicente, she followed me home can I keep her?"

Outside the abandoned house of Cheydinhal, passerby's stopped is surprise as the vampiric scream of frustration echoed outside, followed by the shrill cry of a Clanfear…

FIN


End file.
